i kind of,

The doctor said that I’ve been feeling very stressed and that is why my eczema cum infection has not gone away completely yet. But work hasnt been stressing me out. In fact, I look forward to going to work everyday. My working hours are acceptable and my colleagues are great too so far. My extra activities after work has kept me sane too. And I have no issues with my family or friends.

So I kept on wondering why I am so stressed out. I dont feel it at all.

But I dreamt last night that I received a letter from MOHH that I have been awarded the scholarship. And when I woke up, I was extremely disappointed that it was only just a dream. It dawned upon me that maybe I’ve not acknowledged the fact that my application wasn’t successful and that I just wanted to appear like I’m alright when I’m actually not.

And I’ve just been avoiding all sorts of things related to the scholarship application and denying my true feelings - that is, I am extremely unhappy that my application was not considered because they had applicants of “better standards” this year. I am very unhappy to the point that I feel like walking up to the Heads and ask why my application was not considered favourably and how they do not understand how hard I have worked in school to obtain a GPA above 3.0 and to take on part time jobs to help my family.

Yes, I am going to acknowledge that I am stressed out about this because I truly want to get a degree in Radiation Therapy and not a degree in Radiographic Studies. I am not doing this because of fame or recognition. I want to explore what is being taught in Australia and bring back good practices to my organisation for the benefit of everyone - the patients, the therapists, the nurses and everyone involved in the whole process. That is my goal. I want to achieve this goal at least once in my department before I retire. But I just need someone to believe that I can do it and provide me with financial support for this.